I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
