Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
