I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
