then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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