Screwed.edu
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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