First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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