My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
