The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
