Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
