I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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