Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
