Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
two words...techno handjob
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
