you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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