I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
