Don't you send me to vm
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
