Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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