do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
