When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
