I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
