this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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