god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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