I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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