I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
