there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
