Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
