I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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