she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
