he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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