I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
