she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
