we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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