Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
