The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
