you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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