just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
