he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
