remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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