Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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