were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
