you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
