You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
