Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
