i will never coherently bang her
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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