he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
