I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
