She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
