Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
