nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
