Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
