Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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