It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
