If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
