Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
