I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
