Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I cut my penus on the lid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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