I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
