Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
