yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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