is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
