You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
