I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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