i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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