i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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