Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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