Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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