he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there was a trapeze. enough said
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
