i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
