Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
