He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
