I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
