I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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