I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
