i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
