My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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