I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
