Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
