So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
