wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
