Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
