??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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