U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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