We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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