after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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